i seem to have lost a stack of 120 prints and negatives, so while i sift through everything else i figured i’d finally post a few shots that i’ve been meaning to upload to my website for quite some time now. i’ll probably highlight each/most on my instagram as well.
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a quick personal note:
something i have been caught in for months has been the idea of what we will call ‘the tension of a thousand boths’.
it came about in conversation with one of my dearest friends, as we spoke of God and death and life and suffering and sickness and us trying fruitlessly to be clean amongst the muck of this thing called life. the tension is about how when you ask God a question and present it ‘is it this, or that?’ so often He responds with ‘yes’. and He does so because so often it is, or He is, truly both. (or perhaps it is because our questions are not quite right?) when we place before God only two options, even in light of Him being boundless and infinite, when we place before Him the left or the right; the black and white, yes and no, positive negatives and negative positives, simultaneously contradictory and yet! would one not be true without the other? and yet they’re both true. and yet…
‘God is this, BUT He is also that.’
‘life is this, BUT it isn’t.’
‘death is this, BUT it is also not.’
tonight i was reading through my friend’s online journal, and came across a post she wrote when we initially spoke of this tension back in october. all of her posts are striking me hard on the left and the right tonight, as i sit and think of her own sickness, as well as my mother’s and another one of my closest friend’s. (how the tension in their lives extends beyond the ‘boths’ and encompasses it exponentially more as they hang, so much more aware, between health and sickness, between what-was and what-now-is, and certainly even more aware of the space between life and death.)
‘the tension of a thousand boths’ has been scratching at my mind for months. her words take it a different direction from my own thoughts on it, but that is what i love about what she wrote: about this tension, and from inside this tension. as she suffers and swings and finds joy and peace and God in a greater way than i ever have.
her words:
“I found myself writing in my journal recently, “We live in the tension of a thousand ‘boths’.”
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this little guy took me a bit of time, but i guess not too much time. i wanted to incorporate ”come what may” around the skull but it felt cluttered and i reverted back to simplicity. the background texture/blob is just crayola watercolors on white paper, still wet, photographed with my iphone 4s and emailed to myself.
There’s many who’ll tell you they’ll give you their love, But when they say "give" they mean "take". They hang ‘round just like vultures 'til push comes to shove And take flight when the earth starts to shake. Someone may say that they’ll always be true Then slip out the door ‘fore the dawn, But I won’t leave you hanging on. Another may stay 'til they find someone new Then before you know they’ll be gone, But I won’t leave you hanging on. No, I won’t won't be that someone. And come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind, Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment. Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side, I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and there’s no end in sight. Some talk of destiny, others of fate, But soon they’ll be saying goodbye, But I won’t leave you high and dry. 'Cause a ring don’t mean nothing if you can’t haul the weight And some of them won’t even try, But I won’t leave you high and dry. I won’t leave you wondering why. And come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind, Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment. Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side, I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and there’s no end in sight. And storms will surely come, But true love is a choice you must make and you are the one. That I have set my heart to choose As long as I live, I swear I’ll see this through. Come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind, Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment. Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side, I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and I see no end. Come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind, Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment. Come what may, I will be standing right here by your side, I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and there’s no end in sight.
-Thrice, The Weight
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I watched you float away on a wave of want and misery
now I’ve got to find you
I watched you float away on whatever caught your eye
now I’ve got to find you
’cause I’ve got to keep your head above the water
while the current pulls me under
I will hang my life in the space between the noose and your neck
I won’t let you die just yet
I will love you even when you won’t let me
and you will kill me by doing nothing
but I know it’s not you, my dear,
I know it’s not you
I know it’s not you, my dear,
it’s the nothing that kills
I can’t save you
control is something out of mine
no, I can’t save you
control is something out of my control
I will love you even when you won’t let me
and you will kill me by doing nothing
but I know it’s not you, my dear,
I know it’s not you
I know it’s not you, my dear,
it’s the nothing that kills
I can’t save you but I will love you
no, I can’t save you but I will love you
I’d like to think that this is love
lost in second chances without end
this is romance
-as cities burn
was talking to a friend tonight about some big choices for her on the horizon, and ultimately my advice boiled down to these three words. a poignant reminder to myself tonight as well.
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original name, i know. skulls are good practice.
all wacom, took maybe 5 hours or so?
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